CATFIGHT!
by DefineNormalitee
Summary: The long awaited fight between Nienna and Arya commences - pure crack. ENJOY!


Arya was randomly walking through the Varden one day when-

"Wait," said the reader.

_What?_

"That's boring, and totally over used. RE-WRITE!"

_Fine…_

Arya and Nienna were sat opposite each other, each glaring at the other elf and trying to look more elf-princessy than the other.

"Hang on…"

_What NOW?_

"Didn't you use that line for 'Once Upon A Time'?"

_Yes. Deal with it._

Arya and Nienna were sat opposite each other by the fire, each glaring at the other elf and trying to look more elf-princessy than the other. Eragon was sat in between them on a log, trying to look indifferent and not to drool all over Arya. But he needn't have bothered, because nobody was paying any attention to him.

"Not even Saphira?"

_SHUT UP, ALREADY!_

With a little prompting from the authoress, Arya got up and went to sit next to Eragon on his log. He gave up trying not to drool and dribbled all over Arya's leggings. She jumped up, looking disgusted.

"Ew!" she yelled. "What was that for? Do you know how hard man drool is to get out of leather? God!"

"Sorry," Eragon said meekly, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "but hang on… if you're a vegetarian, why are you wearing leather?"

Arya started crying and hugging her knees. "You just don't get it, do you?" With that, she stormed off to hug her knees some more.

When she came back, ready to look down on him again until he drooled, she found that Nienna had seduced him with her 'I'm-not-a-princess-so-you-can-do-whatever-you-like-with-me'-ness, and they were making out on the floor.

"THAT'S IT!" Arya yelled, grabbing her sword. Nienna looked up and laughed at the angry little princess, who was turning purple. Eragon drooled again at the sight of his beloved Arya, however purple she seemed.

"Ew!" Nienna yelled, jumping up to look at the dribble-stain on her clothes. "You disgust me." Eragon looked upset. "I mean… um… how sweet?" Nienna amended quickly. It didn't work, so Eragon crawled off to cry. Nienna rolled her eyes. "Stupid human."

"Now he's gone, lets FIGHT!" Arya yelled. Nienna, out of nothing better to do, agreed and drew her sword.

And then… they fought.

"You used that line in Drottningu, too!" The reader yelled. "Can we have some originality, ple- OW! YOU SHOT ME! YOU…"

_Silence is golden, don't you think?_

The elves twisted and turned, randomly trying to gain an advantage over the other. It didn't work, because they were both elves and very good at sword fighting. So, they decided to put away the swords and have a cat fight. Orik very sportingly agreed to commentate.

"The opponents have taken their places opposite each other and on Saphira's mark, they shall begin. Neither are looking too nervous yet. Let's ask Nienna how she feels…"

"Like a princess!" Nienna announced, smiling in a Disney sort of way, making the men drool. Arya glared at her.

"I feel even more like a princess!" she announced, and smiled even wider. Even the women started to drool.

"Well, I feel how I did when Faolin asked me to marry him!" Nienna trilled. At this bitchery-

"That's not a real word!" The half dead reader moaned. The authoress ignored it.

At this bitchery, the crowd fell silent. Then, Arya lunged at Nienna and clawed at her face.

"YOU BITCH!"

"And here we go, folks! Arya's got a good hold on Nienna- no, wait! Nienna's bitten Arya's face and she's free! Arya's been told she needs to stop swearing by the ref-"

"SHUT UP!" both elves yelled, and dived at Orik instead. Saphira decided that this was getting out of hand and poked them all with her talons. Nasuada, who didn't like Arya or Nienna, dived into the fight, followed by some random Kull, followed by Jormundur, who 'hadn't seen a brawl like this in years'. Angela very eagerly jumped into the fray, followed by a superior looking Solenbum. After about ten minutes, during which time Roran, Katrina, Murtagh and Thorn had randomly joined the fight (despite impracticalities and the fact that they had no clue what the hell was going on because the authoress was bored and feeling random), Eragon reappeared.

"What's going on?" He asked, blinking.

"OH, SHUT UP!" They yelled, and jumped on him.

The fight ended abruptly when the authoress decided that she wasn't feeling quite so bloodthirsty any more and decided they would sit down and have a nice tea and all live happily ev –

"Hey, you!"

_Who, me?_

"Yes, you!" Eragon and Roran, Katrina, Murtagh, Thorn, Jormundur, Solenbum, Angela, Arya, Nienna, Nasuada and random Kull (or, as the authoress liked to call them, Those People Who I Spend Most Of My Spare Time Bullying Just to Irritate Them – henceforth known as TPWISMOMSTBJTIT) had turned on the authoress. She gulped.

"I don't wear leather!" Arya roared.

"I don't hate Nienna and Arya!" Nasuada shouted.

"I don't even exist!" Nienna screamed.

"I DON'T DROOL LIKE A DOG!" Eragon squealed pathetically. They turned on him with raised eyebrows. "Much," he added.

_Look, I'm real sorry about that – _

"Ha!"

_Ok, I'm not, but I only did it because they told me to! _She then pointed to some readers who were sitting and eating popcorn while they waited for her to get mauled.

"GET HER!"

"Well that sucks," the readers sighed as they watched her get mauled. Then a butterfly wandered past and they chased after it like idiots.

THE END :)

**AN: I can get away with calling y'all idiots because I won't be updating this account anymore due to my Muse abandoning me. I'm awful sorry…maybe when CP finally starts writing something, I can continue Burthr? :S Thank you a;; for reading. You've been magnificent and I love you all and hope to see you read my fics for my other account (Viva Para Amar) because you're all such wonderful people. I'll miss you more than you know. xxxxxxxxxx**


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